I'm not sure if anyone else feels this way, but i sure feel like a failure so many times and days as a mom. And i don't say that to hear "no, you are amazing, you are great" compliments. I say that to be honest. Uug, my patience runs thin, and my kindness to my kids is most certainly challenged from day to day. I am praying that i can love them more and find patience in Him, from day to day.

My mom and i saw "mom's night out" on Mother's Day. I found my self related to much of what the main character said.  She had said at one point to her hubby, "I dreamed of this!" "And yet, i feel unhappy." I couldn't help but cry. I cried, because, i related to her (she was referring to dreaming about being a stay at home mom, and wife, and loving it, but feeling so out of it.)
Oh, i love being home with my kids. I couldn't imagine leaving them to go to a job outside of home. And i'm not dissing those who have to do that. I was blessed with the option of staying home, and having photography on the side to help with money, and also billing out for the company i worked for for years before kids.  I am blessed in that area. It helps with the bills, and fun things in life.  But, there are times when i feel like, what's the point? Why am i here? Am i making a difference? Do my kids know i really do love them, even though i fail so many times? But then there is this whisper in my head. GRACE, GRACE, GRACE, GOD'S GRACE!!!! And then i can rest. But i don't use that as an excuse to continue in my failures, only as motivation to move on and learn. I pray my kids forgive my shortcomings, and that they know i would die for them. That i will "behavior modify" them, not for me to look good, but for them to realize that life isn't how we want it to go, and that there are certain things we have to do (behaviorally) whether we want to or not. That is not my first goal, because i would love them to know Christ first, and foremost. I will preach Him to them, but i can not force it on them.  So i pray, way less then i should!
This post is so random and all over the place, but it's my heart tonight. Sorry for the ramble.
Just my heart out there on the "inter webs".