The Root of Bitterness.....

(I had to put a pic of Mia in to melt hearts, lol)

Today i was burdened by some one's hatred towards someone i love. It angers me, saddens me, and i don't understand it. The bible tells us something very important. "if your brother offends you, GO TO THEM". Does that mean hate them for years on end, to gossip about it to your friend and family? Pretty sure it doesn't. This is what gets me the most, this person went to her and said " i am so sorry if i have hurt you, i love you." And yet there is a grudge there that will never end. And it trickles to other people also. How as "Christians" can you justify treating people like this, and continue to hate so much? I love how we as humans take certain parts of the bible, obey it, and take others and not apply it to our lives. But we sure can crucify others for not following it. And how can you "witness", or "preach", when you have anger, bitterness, hatred towards someone. The bible is clear that you are NOT to take communion, if you have this in your heart. I"m not saying i haven't struggled with this myself. But i have learned in a very hard way, it's a dangerous road to hate, loath, and be bitter towards someone. And even if you go to that person, and their reaction isn't what you wanted, at least you did what God expects of you. I believe that fights and anger, and animosity comes from OUR OWN HEART'S PRIDE. Pride. God commands us to love each other, yes that means confrontation sometimes, and crying over hurt feelings, but then to GET OVER IT. Even if the other person isn't sorry. I feel i have been wronged many times by people who call themselves Christians. I learned not to harbour it in my heart, because in the long run, i was suffering more from it, and sinning by keeping that anger in my heart. I know i have hurt others also, and i continue to pray that my heart is tender towards those who come to me, and tell me i have done wrong, so that i may have reconciliation with my fellow brother/sister in Christ. This has been on my heart for so long, because i see it all way too much.

Thank you

I just wanted to thank Julie for her great verse, and Lovely for her great comment, also Hanna, sorry i don't get to them sooner!! I agree God is in control! Yet i just get disgusted by this world sometimes! I hope you all are well, and thank you so much for visiting and commenting on our blog!

Pro choice = murder

It angers me that People can look at a baby and say that they aren't a life until birth. Mia was a baby the day i conceived her, not at birth. BUt somehow, liberal mentality says it's ok to kill a baby in the womb, whenever a woman feels she needs to. Yeah lets justify murder for your own selfish desires. I don't understand why anyone would want to kill their baby. Obama is a very dangerous man, and his thinking is so unbiblical, and people are so ignorant to think that he is the answer to this country. I fear what may come, i fear my safety, i fear my daughter's future if this man is elected our President.

Reflections from a year ago.

Well I have been up since four this morning. For some reason i couldn' sleep, I had alot on my mind. One of them was Christmas a year ago. Jon and i decided this year that we woudn't be buying presents for eachother this year. We know that shouldn't be the focus of Christmas, and i really want to have the right focus this year. But i've had so many blessings and gifts this year already. I posted some of my favorite memories of last year's Christmas. Decorating my home for Christmas is so much fun for me, and one tradition i can't wait to share with Mia. Last Christmas i was about four months pregnant with her, so i posted a pic of me pregnant with her. My Aunt Lorraine had bought me a christmas ornament and put an ultrasound picture of her in the frame, and i loved it. I had such a great pregnancy with her, i was so blessed. I loved being pregnant. Last Christmas was also the first Christmas i had made dinner for all my family, and i had so much fun making the turkey, and everything to go with it, and decorating the table, lighting candles, christmas music, oh it was so much fun. I will do those same things this year, but for some great reason, i was really struck with the question in my head, "why do i love christmas so much"? I am guilty of getting caught up in the glimmer and glam of Christmas, which i don't think is wrong to have fun with, but i'm guilty of sometimes let it take over of what the true meaning is. This time of year is always my favorite, starting in October, the crisp fall air, leaves, of course decorating for fall, and then Thanksgiving and Christmas, i just absolutely love this time of year. It's so comforting and warm, nostalgic. But it's not for everyone. I know i'm all over the place in this blog, but i guess i just hope to focus more on Jesus' birth this Christmas, and thankful for the gift of Mia this year, and a great husband who truly loves me and lets me stay at home with her!!

Greatful indeed.

A Friend told me she was pregnant today. I was filled with excitement, but then extreme sadness because she said she would terminate the pregnancy if they found out the baby had downs syndrome or anything else wrong. It just made me so sick inside and so sad. How could someone do that? It's a baby, it's life, it's a miracle. As i drove home from dinner, i was thanking God again for my little bundle of love in my backseat. Her smiles, and coo's and babbling make my day. She rolled over for the first time this week and it might as well been getting a million bucks, we were so proud. Funny how the littlest things your baby does makes your whole day! When i look at her sleeping or smiling at me, I think of the verse "you formed my inward parts, you covered me in my mother's womb" . Mia wasn't an accident, or a "fetus". She was formed in the image of God. She was formed for me to raise. She is "mine" for a short while. I am so in love with being a mom!!! I pray for this new life growing inside my friend, and pray so hard that she will keep this life growing inside!!!

punkin with pumpkins

We took Mia to the pumpkin patch, and she had a blast. SHe tried to eat all the pumpkins, and played with them. IT was quite the photo op, as you can see i had a blast with pictures, good times.

Mia's first snow day!! She loved it, it was sooo adorable to see her look at the snow fall on her face, she would put her hands out to touch it, it was too cute. I pray it snows again soon so that we can put a snowsuit on her and stick her in the snow.

Today was a very frustrating day for me. I so get frustrated with my own "sex". I don't understand how women can be so competitive, rude, and just hurtful. When i was about to have Mia, I knew that i had to have a c section. It wasn't something i had sought out, it was something that was for the best health for my daughter and I. My doctor was so scared to tell us that we needed a c section because of all the bad rap out there with doctors and c sections. Well i went into labor two days before the c section was scheduled, and pretty much proved to the doctor that there was no way i would have delivered her vaginally. WE both could have died if i had. And my sister in law's baby's cord was wrapped around his head, and if they didn't do a c section, he could have died. But i get comments like, your baby will be so unhealthy because of a c section, there's less bonding, and even, "I had to go through more pain and i get the "gold metal" for having the baby vaginally". OH my goodness, why do women compete over everything, let alone how we give birth to our baby's? Shouldn't we just be thankful God have us a miracle baby, and that we have medicine that delivers the baby safely and without killing us!!! SOrry, it was just a bad day today with comments like that. All I can say is i dont care how i had to get Mia out, i got her safely and there's nothing wrong with her, thank the Lord!

The day in the life of Mia.

This is my Mia's day. SHe wakes up at sixish crying to eat, then sleeps again untill 9:00. But she doesn't cry then, she just sits and talks to herself, with her feet straight up in the air, and grabbing her toes. I walk in and she smiles and laughs when she sees me. (That's the best part of morning!) I feed her again, get her ready for the day, and then play with her. Then she go's down for her morning nap and sleeps maybe 45 minutes. Then she plays in her swing or little floor toy, and talks and coo's. It's so fun. Then she eats again and this sleep eating, fun time continues. She's really good at getting in her carseat and sleeping while i run errands too. SHe gets a bath before bed and go's to sleep at 9 at night and sleeps til that six o clock feeding. She has her moments but she's such a good baby. It is so fun being the mom of Mia. Yes there are moments when i just want to pull out my hair but i enjoy her so much. Today she laughed at me laughing at her, and it was soo funny. SHe's going through a mommy phase right now though, she doesn't like a lot of people holding her, but she's getting better!

Some thoughts

This is one of my favorite pictures of Mia! It just shows her personality! SO fun.

She is really growing. SHe has discovered her toes, always puts them in her hands, and she looks at her hands every day like, oh your still here, how did you get there. I always just wonder what baby's think, what's inside their heads? I love it when i walk in her room in the morning and her feet are straight up in the air and she's smiling and laughing, so happy! Then i think about the possible future siblings she may have. I pray that they love eachother forever. I pray that if and when they get married, their spouses enjoy eachother, and not compete with eachother over anything. I pray that I'm the mom that my kids now i don't favor one over the other. I pray that Mia will always love and need her

brother(s) or sister(s) if God blesses us with more. Family is something no one "CHOSES" to be in, but it's also one of the greatest gifts on earth. A Grandma, Grandpa is a relationship i never had but see how joyful and wonderful and important it is! What an amazing role to have. It's so hard to believe that as sinful humans we can be so awful to eachother, and act so hatridly among eachother. Bitterness is such an ugly ugly thing. It can ruin your whole life and steal the joy out of your every day living. And it can creep up so suddenly in your life and linger for a long time. These were thoughts i had today.

Mark: one year

A couple of days ago marked the official day one year ago that Dr. Neuhoff told us that we were for sure pregnant. I am caught off gaurd by the emotions i feel this week. Jon and i had wanted to be pregnant so bad, and went through some small challenges. I knew in my heart that i was pregnant, i just knew. The first day that i could, i took the pregnancy test and there was a very faint pink line. Seeing that line made my heart beat faster with excitement, i called Jon and told him, and he was so excited. I called our OB, and they said to come in the next day for a pg test. I took it, and Dr. N. walked in and said " Your pregnant!" We cried and hugged eachother. That night i couldn't sleep. I was so excited yet so anxious at the same time. I knew our lives would never be the same. So this week, i am remembering feeling so happy that i was sick, yes even glad i was puking in the toilet, because i knew that it was a blessing. I knew so many women would kill to be able to feel sick to get a baby. So i had to remind myself, even on my worst feeling days, that it was a miracle. I am so glad our little Mia is out, but part of me misses feeling life growing inside. Nothing explains the feeling of having a foot kicking your ribs, or the feel of your baby flipping around. It's a miracle, plain and simple. How could you deny there is a God after seeing a baby being formed!

And now God has placed our little Mia to Jon and I to raise in the image of Him, and i'm overwhelmed by the responsability of being a parent. Jon and I are responsable for 18 years to love, cherish, discipline, raise Mia to mostly love the Lord with all her heart, soul, and mind. It scares me to really think of what God has entrusted me with. She is mine for a short time, but she is only on loan from God.

What i didn't know.....

five months ago five years ago

I knew but i didn't how much i would love being a mom. It's the greatest gift of all! Im so thankful. And i will say the first month after having Mia, JOn had to have a minor surgery, but nevertheless, it was a little stressful for the three of us. Picture this, a brand new baby to love and to get to know, and to adjust to a new schedule, a husband who had to have a surgery that was very painful for him, and balancing a new life for me, stay at home mom, cleaning, working on the computer from home a few hours, playing with Mia, new to breastfeeding, etc. etc. To say the least it was a little overwhelming in the beginning, and a little stressful on our marriage. I never thought it would be, but we are all human right! Well, on our five year anniversary we took a much needed night away together and it was so amazing. We started reading through a book called love and respect, and it has done amazing things for the both of us. I cherish our time together reading it. Even with all those new things going on in our life, i have grown closer to the man i call my husband and my daughter's father. Yes life can get to you, but you can make it through the grace of God more amazing then it was before.

Now Lovely, here is the tag results!! This does take a majour emotional look back!

5 Years ago:

2003: I married the love of my life. I was planning the wedding from the moment i got back in January from getting engaged. I had flown to Pittsburgh to spend time with Jon and his family the 26th of December. I was getting off the plane and riding down the escalater (sp) when Jon was standing at the bottom with a dozen roses. I thought aww how sweet he missed me ! He was acting a little nervous, but didn't think much of it, then he got on one knee and said that he knew from the moment he met me that he wanted me to be his wife, and that he didn't want to spend the rest of his life without me, then pulled out an amazing ring and asked me to be his wife. It was one of the best moments of my life, i said yes, and he hugged and kissed me. We had a great week together. Thus came planning our wedding, he moved to Montana that May after he graduated from Penn state. We had a beautiful wedding shared with amazing friends and family and then had a great honeymoon in the Bahamas.

5 months ago:

I was just getting ready to be done with work, ready to have my baby, i mean like popping out, and ready ready ready to have that baby, lol. I wasn't sleeping well at night, because i kept thinking, will i be a good mom, will i know what to do with a newborn, am i ready for this journey. THen my last day of work, someone was stocking me in traffic and hit me on purpose then tried to get away, but got stopped at a red light, knew i was calling the cops, so tried to lie his way out of what he did, it was very scary, thankfully just the car got damaged, and the baby was ok, and i wasn't hurt!

5 bad habbits:

procrastinating

procrastinating!

not balancing the check book on time

not praying enough, or reading the word enough

not planning enough

5 places i've lived:

I can't do five, but

I lived in Schroon lake, NY.

I lived in Harrisburgh, PA for a summer helping some friends out.

I live in Billings, Montana.

5 Things people don't know about me:

Well depends on who you are.

1. I actually enjoy cooking now.

2. I was in the twin towers two weeks before they were bombed.

3. I met my husband through my pastor's wife's neice who was my roommate in college, Jon is her husband's brother. He told his mom that weekend that that was the girl he was going to marry and she laughed at him. Well? Look what happened, lol.

4. I went to Brazil and met amazing people.

5. My future holds something exciting something i can share later, and no it's not another baby.

Mia's two month pics courtesy of Lovely

My baby girl is actually almost three months. I cannot believe how fast time go's by. Each day i try to remember to not get caught up in the every day activities but to just sit down and enjoy her and be thankful for her life. I thought today if God didn't allow us to have any more children, i am thankful He game me Mia. Her smiles brighten my heart! When she coos at me and laughs, i just am so delighted!! My hubby surprized me with a overnight stay in Red Lodge for our five year anniversary. He even asked my parents to take Mia for the night. I was so sad to think of leaving her for that long, but so thankful and excited that I can be alone with my hubby, that is so needed!! So i have been pumping a million times this week so she will have enough to eat while we are gone. But i am truly blessed to have a hubby think of this!! Here are some pics of Mia, thank you Lovely your the best!

Love this page

Father's Day

Growing up as a daddy's girl, it's an amazing and wonderful gift to watch the man that i love and cherish in the role as a father. I have the blessing of having an amazing father myself who loves and cherishes me, and most importantly, led me to the Lord in salvation. He kissed my "owies", hugged me when i cried over boys, discouraged me to date the wrong kind of guy, and cried when i met the "one". He taught and helped me to cleave to my husband in marriage, even when i knew it was hard for him to see me not need him in the same way anymore. I love my daddy, and will forever be thankful for who he was and is to me.

Now, i have the most amazing blessing to see my man be a father to our daughter. Already i feel he is the best father in the world. HE changes diapers, gives her baths, takes her on outings all by himself, because he wants to, because he loves his role as a father, and most importantly because he loves her so much. It's my birthday tomorrow, and he took Mia out to go shopping, just the two of them. Blessed is an extreme understatement. That little girl is one lucky girl to have Jonathan Hartzler as her father! I feel guilty, because God continues to enrich my life more and more and more each day. All i can do is get on my knees and thank Him.

Mia's first scrapbook page

Our post op appointment

Mia and i got to go see our doctor that delivered Mia. It was so fun to bring her in and see everyone. Such a miracle!! I can't believe that for nine months we saw this man that watched her grow inside and then finally was able to deliver her, which meant the world to us! It was a bittersweet moment, we were so used to seeing them every month and then every two weeks, and then every week untill she was born. He held her and talked about her, it was so fun!! I am so thankful for our doctor and nurses! What a blessing.

Our Family shower

Mia and I had our family shower today. My cousin Julie, Cindy, and Aunt Judy, and Aunt Geneva and my mom were there, and we had such a great time together. Makes you thankful for loving family. Here are some fun pics, enjoy.

Mia a month, sooo fast!

My Girl is a month old!! A month!

I try to cherish every second with her and not wish them away, even the two a m feedings, i try to remember through my extreme tiredness that soon this will be done, and she will be older, and i'll wish i never wished it to go faster. She's so precious to me! She is starting to really realize i'm her mommy, and that is fun! She holds my fingers when she eats, she is starting to cooh, and her eyes are so open and alert. She's so beautiful!! I can't believe that we are this blessed! I never knew i could love someone so much so fast! I'm amazed that i love the everyday routine with her, giving her a bath, changing her diaper, getting her dressed for the day, feeding her, and taking a million pictures! Having her has definately changed our lives, but for the eternal best!!

Mia will be three weeks on Sunday, and it's hard to believe that three weeks have gone by so fast. I have so many mixed emotions. The sleep deprivation can't wait till she sleeps longer in the night, the sentimental part doesn't ever want to wish any second of her to rush by, but to remember all the moments. It's amazing how much a baby really does change your life! She is more alert now during the day, and it's fun to see her facial expressions.

Open eyes

I had to add this one too, it's one of my favorites, i love it when her eyes are open!

My Mia, such a blessing and i still can't believe she's here. Thank you all for loving, caring, praying, and being there for us. We will appreciate it forever!

Meet Mia Elizabeth Hartzler Born May 4th,2008

Meet my Mia Elizabeth. She was born to us a day earlier then expected!!! Saturday i was feeling very odd. I had this sudden urge to clean everything in the house, the bathroom, i did a few more things in Mia's room (not knowing it was Mia =) ). Sat night my friend Lins was over, and she Jon and I watched a movie together, and i was just miserable the whole movie. I was in the bathroom every five minutes!! Well Jon went to bed at 11, and i basically was up with wierd panes. I finally woke Jon up on 2:30 and said something is wierd. I dont feel right, but i really don't think it's labor. Well we timed this "pain" for every four minutes, called the doctor, and the next thing i know i'm being wheeled up to labor and delivery. I thought they are going to send me home b/c i'm not in labor, then I will feel stupid. They hooked me up to a monitor and sure enough i was having a contraction. They came faster and faster, and pretty sure i was not liking the extreme pain of the labor. They said since i was in labor , they would do the c section. I was so happy, our Dr made the effort to do the c section and he was there doing it i was so relieved! I was so nervous about this c section. At ten till five they put the needle in my back for the pain numb thing, and i was numb alright! It felt very odd. Jon came in after that, and the next thing i know, i'm feeling pressure, and then i hear this gurgling sound, and a cry and i just started crying. Then I heard Dr. Neuhoff say "it's a girl!!". I was sooooooo happy. I couldnt wait to see her. I said right away " her name is Mia!". He pulled the sheet down a bit to show me her face, she was beautiful!!! She was 5 pounds, 12 oz. 19 1/2 inches long. The most beautiful five pounds in the world!!

Tuesday is the big day...

We are amazed that it's almost here. We are very excited, and a little nervous about the c section. But it's the safest way, so we are ok with that. Jon will call as many people as he can to share all the info. Thank you all for praying for us through this, and being there for us!! Our doctor said "we will go into the hospital as a couple and leave as a family". And I loved that so much, i had to share that with you!
Loves, J and K and peanut.

Two weeks!!

Our c section was scheduled for the 6th of May at 7 30 in the morning! Yay!

37 weeks

Today was our 37 week appointment, and a lot has changed. I was 50 % affaced, and 2 cm dialated. It also was confirmed that i will be having a c section for sure , the date is still being determined. They were very concerned about the safety of delivering vaginally. So, that is the dealio. I have been feeling good though, and loving being a stay at home mom so far. I have been organizing and cleaning. I have been getting up when Jon gets up. It's wierd not seeing him all day, but i do enjoy being able to stay at home and get things done. I had a beautiful shower thrown for me from our church, and it was so special! I'm very thankful for the friends and family in our life!!

This is the 4d pic of the baby. He/she had their face stuffed and squished inside so it's very distorted, but you can see the cheek and the mouth open. We saw the baby take a drink, and breathe with his/her lungs, pretty amazing!! The next pic will be of the baby!!

Baby H is on his/her way....

Well today we had an ultrasound to measure the baby, the baby's head, and see what our best options were. The baby looked great, i will post a pic soon of the ultrasound. We saw and felt the baby breathing, which i didn't know, but they said they don't breathe with their lungs all the time, so that was interesting. And we also saw the baby taking drinks of the amniotic fluid, that was amazing! The doctor checked and could feel the head descended, that was encouraging! OUr baby is five pounds right now. BUt we are at a stand still. WE were hoping that we would know for certain today if I had to go c section or not. The good news is that the head is descended a lot more then we thought it would. But we are still not certain vaginal delivery is the safest. So, we are still trying to make the right decision! So pray for us!!

33.5 weeks (gotta get that .5 in)

We had a breastfeeding class last night, it was soooo informative! I also was a little overwhelmed, just because I'm thinking "how will i know what to do!" But i'm so glad we went. Our teacher said some really neat things about dads. She was saying how important dads are to the baby, and how the baby needs their dad, and I was so thankful she said that. Jon appreciated it too. This little baby moves so much now, and i looooooove it. It is so fun to feel a foot, or an arm, or something! We have our last two week appointment in two weeks, then we go to every week. Last night Jon and i went out for soup before dinner, and i said, well we will know for sure in four weeks if i will have to have a c section or not, and we both just looked at eachother like, oh boy, then we are parents, very terrified looks on our faces, then we just bust out laughing at eachother! It was funny. =) So i've been interested, how many of you think it's a boy, and how many of you think it's a girl? It's been fun to hear what and why people think i'm having what. =)

31 weeks, and feet!

Today i felt a foot i think on my right side!! IT was so neat, and little, it could have been a hand, but it was so neat. When i touched where the "foot" was, the baby moved away. It's amazing to feel this baby move all the time. Jon FINALLY felt the baby move at church the other day, he was excited!
I had a little scare, i had this very odd pain in my leg, that had some swelling. So everyone was worried that it was a blood clot. Well, then the pain got worse and worse, and i had to go home and elevate my leg. Well the next day there was this massive bruise there, and apparently i had snapped a vein in my leg. Good times! Who knew you could snap veins! But thankfully everything was ok!

30 weeks!

It's amazing to think that we are 30 weeks already. It feels like it go's fast and slow. Our doctors appointment went well. The baby was breech the last time, and this time the baby wasn't. The doctor said that was normal. Our normal doctor was gone so we had to see Dr. Ezell. He was so fun!! He walked in with this ooooold looking boxy machine thing. It was the little sound thing they use to hear the baby's heart beat. It was so cute, it was so old. He said now, can you hear that baby's heart beat really well? I said yeah. He said great, now you have to tell your doctor that even though it's a dinosaur, it sure works better!! Because he keeps making fun of my box! It was too cute!!

I can feel the baby moving alot!! I felt the baby having hiccups the other day that was lots of fun ! Jon still hasn't felt the baby move yet, he's getting sad! I told him it's just because the baby is playing games with him, like peekaboo! =) He doesn't believe me, lol.
WE are now going to appointments every two weeks, and then in April it will be every week. And then peanut is due!! yay!

WEEK 26

Today was the wonderful dr appointment where you drink that sugary stuff and then pee on a stick to check protein, and take blood for gestational diabeties, good times. LOL. Anyhow, i'm 2/3 of the way down the road of delivering this baby, pretty excited!! Everything seemed great, the baby has really started kicking and moving alot, and I LOOOOOOOOVE to feel that. Jon still hasnt' been able to feel it, i can't wait until he can. HE put together our crib, and "boob chair" last week. =) We are picking out the rest of the stuff soon. I have been quite blessed!

25 Weeks

Hello everyone.

We are doing well. Peanut is moving alot, it's fun to feel. We still aren't finding out the sex, although, Jon was listening closely, lol. We are starting the nursery progress. I"m all excited to see it all done, even if it is way early. This week i realized how thankful i am to have had such a great pregnancy so far. I am hearing sad stories of women who have lost their baby's early, and one who had her baby at 25 weeks, and he's fighting to stay alive. It just makes me sad, so it makes me count my blessings. So if you think of these women this week, say a prayer for them!

Another addition...hmm...

We are 22 weeks pregnant, and had our "scheduled" ultrasound. They asked if we wanted to know the sex, i didn't, but said that Jon could find out (w/o me knowing) but he chose not to. The baby is doing great. They said the spine, heart, kidneys, everything looked great. I am finally starting to look pregnant, and i am so excited. We have a video of the utlrasound, but i'm not sure if i can load it on here. We are now starting on the nursery. And in a moment of complete insanity i told JOn he could get a hunting dog, so JOY ! (she says sarcastically, haha). So we will have another addition! Yeah i know i'm crazy lol. I haven't really felt the baby kick yet, the doctor said it was because the placenta is blocking it i guess. But soon i wll!