Thankful for being able to rest in Him

I went to bed last night thinking of my children, as i usually do, but this night was different. I had such a heavy desire to pray even more that God would save my baby's. I thought of what Mia would be like as a young lady, would she be easily transformed for this world, or would she have a broken and soft spirit towards God. Would Gabriel be a man of God, desiring only Him? I went to bed a little burdened, and woke up at 3 am with a heavy heart to just pray for them. I have sometimes a fairy tale image of life, which isn't always a bad thing, but oh oh how i as every parent want not only the best for my children but most of all, i want to see their faces in Heaven. Oh how i love them, it's so burned in me how much i love my children. Tonight in our women's study, we talked about"letting go" of our little ones to the Lord, and the question was asked is it hard to do. Since i'm a mom of only 18 months i know that i haven't really had to let go of them in a lot of situations.What i do have to let go of , is the fact that i really actually do not have control over their lives, God does. That is something i CAN rest in!

What makes a good marriage?

The other night Jon and i were talking about marriage, and what makes you happy in marriage. Jon had read an article that in a poll, it said that older men are more happy then women in general. I said that it didn't suprize me because typically speaking, women seem to be more discontent in life in general. Not all women, and not all the time. But if we are honest with oursleves, we've probably fallen into that catergory more then once. It always seems to me that for one men can get over disagreements with someone alot faster then women can. I admire that in men. In my personal experience, i can say that i feel more cut and hurt if something is said about me, or done to me, whereas my hubby will be upset for a few days, but can generally forgive and move on. So we were talking about that, and i said, you know if i just didn't hold on to hurts, and let more go, even in our marriage it would make it even that much more happier. Maybe i am way off, and everyone is different, but for me it was a new found moment for me. Right now in particular, we are going through a little trial, not on our marriage, but something we are dealing with together. It has made me a little edgy, and unfair. Last Saturday he had asked about something, and i just blew up. I felt so guilty inside for yelling, and so sad about it. But everything inside of me did not want to apologize. But i swallowed my pride and came to him and told him i was wrong and to forgive me. But i was still so mad at myself because i dont know why it's so hard to do these things. To swallow pride! Grrr on me!
Anyways, no marriage is perfect, and we all struggle in some area, but i guess we are all a work in progress right!
I was just wondering your thoughts and advice on what makes a good marriage.

The birth of our son, Gabriel Thomas

Gabriel Thomas was born to us July 19th, 2009 at 11:26 a.m. He came out screaming and healthy. We were scheduled for a c section on the 28th of July, but i went into labor Saturday night, and went to the hospital Sunday morning. I was having contractions every two minutes, only 1 cm dialated. But he was ready to come! Dr. neuhoff and Dr. Forsyth delivered him, and were so great the whole time. They talked to me through the whole thing, cracked jokes, and just made me feel as comfortable as they could. I can't tell you how thankful i am that God keeps blessing us with safe deliveries with doctors who care!! I wish i didn't have to have c sections, they are not fun to recover from, but i'm thankful that it's the safest way for me and the baby, and we have that option! This recovery has been much harder then the first for some reason. Could be because it has only been a year since i had the first c section, i'm not sure, but i'm thankful for my family who has helped me out emensely! Jon's mom is coming out here in a couple of weeks, and i'm so greatful!

As bad as it sounds, the one thing i feared my whole pregnancy was could i love this baby as much as i love Mia?? Will I be able to give them both the attention they need? The night after i gave birth to Gabe, i cried and prayed that i would have the strength I needed to take care of two baby's!! BUt i have to say, one look at Gabe, to hear his cry when he came out, and to hold him and nurse him, I had no more worries about loving him!! It's hard to watch the news any more because of how negative it is, and how scary you think of the world my children will be growing up in. And all i want to do is protect them from all of the bad things, and want them to be safe!! So thankful i can put these fears and worries at the Lord's feet.

I have to also say how thankful i am for my husband. He is an amazing father, and an amazing husband. I'm so thankful that it is He that gave me to raise our family with! It's not always perfect, and we get edgy with eachother, but we always make it through! I am deeply blessed!

What i get asked frequently...

Since we have found out that we were having a boy, we have been asked multiple times, "So now that you have one of each, are you done now?" And honestly the first time i was asked that, i was taken back. Not because i was angered by the question, but because I was surprised. It really never crossed either Jon's or my mind that we had to have one of each. We both said to eachother from the beginning, whatever God gives us, we are thankful and Here's why I say that. I have met some women who 1) can't get pregnant, has been told that they will never have children, 2) Got pregnant but lost the baby, 3) took them years to get pregnant. I see the pain they go through, and the heartache it is for them. And i thought, wow some women can get pregnant at a blink of an eye. When we were trying to get pregnant with Mia, it took what seemed to us a very long time. Not nearly the amount of time it takes these women i have mentioned. We were told it would be a slight possibility that we wouldn't be able to get pregnant, and Jon and I had decided from the very beginning that we would only go to a certain point if it came to that. But alas, everything is in God's timing, not mine, and Mia came. And then the biggest surprise, junior!! I hadn't really planned on having them so close together, so i was a little overwhelmed by the idea at first!! But then i felt very ashamed of myself!!! The women who can't get pregnant at all came to my mind, and i felt deep guilt inside!! So I thanked the Lord for allowing this, and prayed for the women who can't have children, to comfort their souls. I guess my point in this is to say that whatever sex of the baby's God blesses us with, or how many, I think we have so much to be thankful for. What humbles me out of all of this, is the responsibility in raising these little ones how God wants us to raise them. The other night, as i was putting Mia to bed, I thought to myself, I don't think I could love her any more!!! Then the thought hit me, that that was just a fraction of how God feels about me, and how UNDESERVING I am of that love. I wish i could raise my children with perfection, with never letting my anger take the best of me, teaching them all things in love and humility, like Christ has for me! Never being inconsistent, being able to say " I will never leave you, nor forsake you" and knowing for sure you can keep that promise! Thankfully though, I can tell my children that that is a promise the Lord gives HIS children, and you can count on that!

Springtime....

Mia loves her wagon, and loves to ride outside in it!!!

She has started to really grow up fast!!! She has three teeth now, that started only a month ago!! She stands up on her own, she claps her hands, and when the dogs bark, she makes a sound that is her version of dogs barking. When i take showers in the morning, and get ready for the day, she sits in her little purple chair and reads books waiting for me to be done! She loves to laugh and play with us, but she does have quite a temper already, and we are working on it!! LOL, long road ahead on that! She gives kisses, and has a smile that would melt any one's heart!!!

I am reading a book called parenting isn't for cowards. Very convicting!!! It talks alot about why we discipline are children, or i should say why we should discipline our children, and when to start, backing it up with scripture all the way. I can't tell you how many times I have prayed that our children would not only be well behaved children that our fun to be around, but that God would save them, because I know I can't.

What surprises me is how sin nature sets in so quickly and even the most adorable smile can't change that. Then i think of my own heart, and my sin. I'm trying to teach my one year old things that i struggle with!!!!

Is there such a thing as burnt out?

Just wondering if as a christian your allowed to feel "burnt out". Makes me feel guilty just typing the words. Being pregnant with our second child, I have to admit i'm way more scared then i was when i was pregnant with Mia. These horrible thoughts come to mind, "Will i be a good mom to two of them?" "Am I a good mom to Mia?" "Do I nurture her the way i should every day?" "Will this baby get enough attention?" Always second guessing myself.
Also i've learned that you really shouldn't say that you will 'NEVER' do something, those words always bite you in the bunda. =)

There is so much negative news when you turn on the T.V., and frankly some days i can't help but feel scared to be under the leadership of this President we have now. He is such a Godless, and scary man. I fear for my children, even though i know i shouldn't. Even as Christians, we can be so faithless, and cowardly. Why is that?

It's been a while......

Awww , it has been a while since i posted anything. Poor Little Baby Hartzler number two. It's been hectic lately. We found out a month ago we are having a baby boy, which is exciting for us. He is healthy and kicks alot!!! I love that though because i know everything is OK. This pregnancy has been great, I really am thankful.

We recently sold our home, which was kind of sad but God's will for us. We will be moving into our new home within the week. It has three bedrooms on one floor, which we are grateful for!

Mia turns one May 4Th, which is unbelievable!! I can't believe how fast time go's. She is crawling, and standing up, and "talking" so much. She is a blast to be around. I am so blessed and thankful to be at home with her.
Being a mom is very humbling, and keeps me on my toes. But I love it!
I can't wait to see what our little son will be like, his personality, traits, etc...

House wife...

I was contemplating some things today, as i was in the midst of feeling like puking!! Lots of think time, when you feel immobile, lol. There are so many women that i admire and respect, and thank God for as examples of being Godly wives and Godly mothers. I often feel i fail in many of these aspects. I do feel blessed that i have such a great husband that i probably don't tell him enough how much i love him and respect him. But today i was thinking, am i spending my days the way i should be as a mother, and wife, and "house wife". This thought always plagues me for some reason, and i always feel burdened by this. I never expected to have that feeling of lonliness creep up on me during the day, but it does and it suprized me! Just something i was thinking of today.

The second baby H

We are very excited to go down the "baby" road again. I think our doctor's reaction was the funniest part. He was quite excited! Jon and i were just talking about how thankful we are that we have a doctor that doesn't do unnecessary procedures, and that he is safe. If you think about how many things can go wrong, you are putting alot of trust into someone to deliver your baby healthy! Anyways, we are excited. We're pretty sure the baby is due in July, and i'm excited for that month. What a huge surprize and blessing! We are very thankful! AFter trying for so long with Mia and getting this baby so fast, it keeps us in awe of God's blessings!

We are expecting baby number two, sometime in July, we will know soon dates and all that!!!